Strategies for coping with grief

WHAT GRIEF IS

Grief is an entirely natural process that allows us to cope with change and endings as we move through life.

Grief in bereavement serves an invaluable purpose in that it allows us to heal emotionally and incorporate the death of a loved one into our ongoing lives.

Most important of all, grief is highly individual and has no time frame. It is an ongoing process that takes as long as it takes in spite of the popular myth that we should “get over it”.

For pet owners the grieving process can be especially difficult, as society in general does not validate grief over pets. As a consequence, we can end up bottling up our true feelings and thoughts, which only makes a difficult time even more so.

The fact is that we form a special relationship with our pets based on strong emotional bonds. It is important to understand that, rather than ending abruptly, the relationship continues based on memories and feelings.

EXPERIENCING GRIEF

When grieving it is common to feel intense sadness and to cry a lot or feel like crying a lot. You may also feel anger, relief, guilt, remorse and other emotions often clustered together.

Healthy grieving, which will allow you to heal emotionally, means giving in to these feelings and expressing them rather than trying to control or suppress them.

Grief is unpredictable so you can be feeling alright one minute and upset the next, and seemingly small and irrelevant things can trigger you.

Most people feel tired and experience some disturbance of sleep and appetite for a period of time. You may feel restless and find it difficult to concentrate and carry out your normal routine both at home and at work.

With time the frequency of painful feelings will diminish, and you will learn to live more comfortably with a balanced memory of your pet and reinvest energy back into your normal life activities.

STRATEGIES FOR COPING

The best thing you can do is allow your feelings to come up and express them in a safe environment.

Look for genuinely caring, non-judgemental support in those around you. It is best to avoid the company of those who, although they may mean well, want to “fix” your grief and make you “better again”.

Remember that this is a process that takes time. Allow yourself the freedom to do whatever it is you need to do – take time off work, be alone, spend more time with special people.

Try to avoid excessive alcohol or caffeine intake, eat nutritious food and give yourself some comfort in the form of simple treats.

Finding your own special ways to memorialise and honour your pet will help your grieving process.

If you do not have healthy support, find it difficult to reach out or are feeling overwhelmed it will help to talk to a bereavement counsellor.